*1), i do not even qualify as mentally ill. it is all most perplexing and frustrating.
at age 44, it strikes me repeatedly that i am effectively mentally ill anyway, because i have become so emotionally unstable after decades of being placed under extreme stress - and have never fully succeeded in finding a route away from all that. there are ways and there are ways (and more latterly ways) of dealing with this, but inherent and/or habitual personal flaws or weaknesses tend to undermine the optimal use of any remedy, sooner or later.
aaaaaarrrgggghhhhhhhghghghghghghgh fucking hell
it's been a weird fucking summer. on the plus side, we have moved house at long last (six years overdue) and the family immediately feels much better as a result *2. mrs c in partricular is just so much happier and nicer to be around. also more tolerant of me, therefore... so it all slounds very positive, except that alas, the negatives are really stacking up at the moment, apparently i still have a lot of unpaid debts which must be cleared or at least addressed before i can straightforwardly enjoy the move. not that i ever really do anything straightforwardly, but...well, you get the idea.
[- incidentally: much to my surprise, i return to the blog tonight for the first time in several months to find plenty of page hits going on. this was certainly not the case the last time i looked. now i really have no idea whether anyone is actually reading, or whether random webcrawlers are just rutting in my undergrowth, so to speak. curiouser and curiouser.]
right then... this one was never going to be a long drawn-out affair. done and dusted
* v. comments
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
my continued lack of activity is... you know what, i'm not even going down that road right now: life is complicated, but for all that, i want to stop just for a few mins and say
many happy returns of the day!!!
- to our man. happy 69th birthday, sir :)))
Monday, April 28, 2014
hey hey - just checking-in at the end of one of my (what i have decreed will be) two-to-three-yearly flights of this'n-that... and reminding you to check in yourselves, for the return flight mining out the raw details as they emerge from the steaming hulk of the analysis-chamber's hastily-reopened engorgement capsule...
... because yes, i did say that i would do the "unwinding" from the last such flight and it genuinely is on the way, it is it is, but it had to wait in the end for the next flight before it was fully ready to be told, i.e. it's only now that i (am moving towards) fully understand(ing) it myself. and at this point, i have to say: every fucking thing looks pretty leng-style clear. how long this will last (till the d runs out, which it pretty much has anyway) is not the point here: the point this time is that i have at last come back from flying with the fucking blueprints, basic formulas etc for all my best ideas and now FINALLY may have learned how to deploy them.
so keep wacthing and all that (*) - there really is more on the way, only what was promised (at first!) and it will be worth waiting for i promise -
in the meantime - that pic: as well as being deeply emblematic of me-qua-me, its relevance today is just a basic basic BASIC braxton statement which i have never come out and identified before, so let me do this now, here and today:
the single greatest shift braxton makes - as it now appears (when we look back through the seventies in our collectors' inner eye library) - is from jazz, where the same song is never played the same way twice, to a setup wherein the absolute basic number-one imperative is never the same fucking set two days running and the second is is no, i mean it. let's all just stop and think about that one
... for a minute - before we rush on with our hectic 21st-century lives...
Friday, March 21, 2014
my ridiculously-protracted blogligence is finally at an end... i shall shortly be posting the promised "translation" of my own drug-induced transmissions from december, and going from there. in the meantime - here's a link to a page which some of you may find useful (as did i). scroll down through that list to the end of december, and you'll find b's recent quartet release from warsaw, 2012; scroll a little further, to october, and there is the roland dahinden concert which came out on leo late last year. please note: these are not cd rips as such, and thus are not intended as substitutes for buying the actual releases; rather they are audio captures from live radio streams, to tide one over until such time, etc etc. i found them both to be rewarding listens - but that's all i'm saying about the music, for the time being.
what i will say is that in each case, there is a bit of a question mark over the track listing. the polish release lists the (diamond curtain wall) performance as being "comp. 363b+", but this seems rather unlikely: last year, tcf released quartet (frm) 2007 vol. 1, which comprises a reading of comp. 363c. what are the chances that b. would have used subdivisions of the same opus number to include pieces from two different musical systems? not great... as a matter of fact, reference to vols. 2-4 in the same series suggests that all the opus numbers within that range were used for falling river music, so i am going to assume that the listing here is simply wrong. (comp. 323a-c was a series of dcw pieces of course; possibly it's just one of those instead.)
- the ensemble montaigne release is more likely to be accurate in its listing of primary materials, since herr dahinden worked closely with/under b., and took part in his ensembles back in the 'nineties. no, in this case it's just the order of things which gives me pause: comp. 174 is given first, but that is a piece for ten percussionists (plus environmental preparations); nothing like that occurs during this reading. again, a transposed digit thereabouts..?
[history suggests that in both cases, we are unlikely to get to the truth of the matter any time soon. in any event, what all these continuing errors tend to indicate is the undoubted difficulty, for anyone apart from the maestro himself or his close collaborators, of correctly identifying and categorising his vast body of musics. i struggle myself, i freely admit; and if a borderline-autistic detail-fascist like me has trouble with it, what chance stands the rest of humanity? :) ]
incidentally: i happen to know that the composer himself has yet to receive a single copy of the warsaw cd. get your finger out, serpent records!!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
let's just all sit here a minute, and whatever it is you're listening to right now (*1), just drop back and slide into that, focus on every little detail of the (song or) story it's imparting to you.
- you know what, to be candid about it, that second night on the nine-athon finished with me six down, two to go and thinking i'd really blown the chance to go anywhere with it, had allowed to mjuch of it just to become ambient wallpaper as i lost myself in (of all things (*2)) lego; my daughter is now five very precocious and exceptionally quick-to-catch-on years old and living through some fast hard times, as are we all, life in the household being very much still centred around one room with one still point, injured whippet #1 (*3). one adult has to be on duty with him at all times to make sure he doesn't jump onto the sofa or (worse) assay an entry to the staircase. one might think this would be unbearable, but not (strangely enough) for someone who hasn't been stoned in six months but who is now almost literally "living the dream" (*4)... anyway, our lil centette has truly discovered the joys of lego friends this xmas, and since i have had to do the making-and-building heavy-lifting on those bigger jobs, i myself have rediscovered lego in a big way (*5). (*6) this proved sufficiently fascinating that a few hours of intensive online research (*7) saw the
- but that was then. the next day, well - i carried on getting quietly and illicitly blasted and got some "me-time" in the afternoon while mrs c whisked the junior whirlwind out of the house to give whippet uno some peace (*8), and i had very possibly the most interesting and satisfying hot bath i have ever experienced... i emerged from that with my head absolutely ablaze with fresh(ly-reexamined) ideas - this not being a strange occurrence for me per se - yet calm, blissed-out if anything, rather than hypermanic (this being my usual default mode when in the middle of a "hot streak");
- and later on, the last two ninetets went down as smoothly and as fierily as a brace of the subtlest cognacs or single-malt whiskies. 'cos by that point, i understood the value of the whole experiment, and saw it slotted into its [place among [everything else.
the implications - and indeed explications - of all these still-being-spun-out ruminations, meditations and cogitations are such that they themselves require a further two posts, sub-manifesti if we must, just to detail-spell and record them accurately. so that's obviously next next;
- and then next after that is non-reheated leftovers, in the shape(s) of venezia bienniale, comp. 23c-go-round and last-but-not-least reeds-n-bass pt 2. (and in due course the top end of the-rest-of-that-list, time and will and lego permitting...) this will be followed by more (un)expected, (half-)hinted work as and when it appears.
ah, but i missed one out. there was something else - ?
lissen up, thosefuckers in the rich-and-miserable game have had it all their own way for as long as any of us on earth can crememeber and they have a hell of a lot to answer for. i'm confident that you and i can pretty much agree on that one... (*10). but what if we all went and had a really good and productive 2014 instead?
- see you in the mix,
* see comments
Monday, December 30, 2013
it's not been snowing here in the u.k. - far from it, since most parts of the south-and-midlands at least, has been swept again and again with lashing wind and rain, and the odd bit of blazing sun, for what seems like weeks now, - most unxmassy xmas ever. (zmas.) the north hasn't exactly had it easy either, but for once the brunt was borne by the "posh bits" - or some of them at least: surrey, sussex, kent.
- no, the one choice was just a nice, apposite state-of-the-pagan-in-the-modern image-spell, captured a few arse-end-of-decembers ago when we actually did get a (lethally) white christmas. it is suitable, because:
- the weather has indeed turned horribly wintry, along with the bloody (nearly) endless rain, and whippet uno (now nine years old, or 55 (...))has been feeling it dreadfully. never mind the details of the consequences - either for him, for him-and-me, for the rest of the family and for the still-grieving mrs c, five years ago today.- ...
(but tomorrow will look ... different, i think)
- and because a spell against the pernicious intrusions of this vile and insidious creeping cold is what is called for, here. and how delivered?
- lo, and behold, there came unto the western men and women the nine scorched-sayers, the nonuply-undelivering-twisting-open-fist, unwinding its cragged and barbed way back up through the earth which was violated, screwed in the shifting; violated because rudely and ruthlessly pushed aside, but as we will see, the excavation was required and has, has revealed incredible marvels, details impossible to unlock within rectilinear, mere straight-in-and-out "clean" switchblade-jobs.
- in-and-out storytelling. [i was always good at that (*)] - this is not what the ninetet came to tell us.
the actual full, explicable and written-in-sort-of-english version of this will appear in due course, but in the meantime i am nearly completed with it, onto the last piece as say in the title above, and i well and truly got more than i could have wanted out of doing it... but that will be a reflection, to be made in the new year, and not what has simply been the final LIVE UPDATE, for this particular journey...
* see comments
Sunday, December 29, 2013
comp. 209 is more than halfway through already, and the musical planes we have been exploring are most amazing. long, interestingly long and detailed inhabitings of refined artistic-conceptual subspaces... followed by complete change and transportation seamlessly into another such, entirely and utterly different from the next and previous. this type of essentially hybridised and multidimensional artistic experience... requires a new type of listener-reader--thinker. like it or not, i am it..., and if you'rereading this then you probably are too. (if it still says 2013 on your computer screen right now then you definitely are closer to me than the rest of humanity! o pity us! - but in any case -
good lord it's not even new year yet, but i did embark on another little journey, before coincidentally finding myself in a situation whereby its essential for me to do what i am now; i.e. sit in the house, on the sofa, thus comforting and stabilising the injured whippet of the household (also ensuring that the uninjured one doesn't cause further inadvertent injury) - ... - and on and off, i have been (in human terms) alone in the house whilst doing this, so the yoshi's ninetets do indeed provide the backdrop. the always-underway-nor-ever-complete type of listening-exploring-inhabiting which we do in following gtm, - as opposed to "listening" to it as semi-background music (*1) - can, by definition, be switched on or off at any point, once one has entered the stream at its own natural
- and then switched back on again of course -
fuck, all three of these pieces have been wonderful to listen to, to follow as i say - very very hard still to write about! writing and imagemaking, and sequencing, over time... hmmmm, now there's an idea i could work with ;-)
- but yeah, just remember the twenty-ninth minute of the third piece (i.e. disc 3/8) - 29 in 209, not exactly hard to remember that, which is good. we'll be coming back there, in due course... right now we are streaming...
... and just approaching the end of this piece, where i may as well finish for a bit (*2) -
* see comments
(no really, see comments if you want to know what's actually going on behind the scenes in terms of philosophical self-discovery-through expression... which is what this blog is, duh. (*3)